No, I am not pregnant at this time. Although I would love a second child, this is not the right time yet. I’m still learning the ropes with the first one! I thought I would take a little time to explain my pregnancy and how my weight and self esteem were effected.
I was beyond excited to find out I was pregnant. We started trying in September and by November, I was seeing a positive! I know that doesn’t work for a lot of people and trust me I had no plans to get pregnant that quickly. However, I also was anxious. I got up to go to the bathroom at 2am and decided that would be a good time to take the test. Upon truly believing what I was seeing, I went in and woke my husband up with the good news. Before we started trying I had come up with a million ways to reveal that I was pregnant, but when it came down to it, I just wanted someone to be as excited as I was at that moment. That night we never really fell back to sleep. Our minds were already racing!
I knew that I would be able to keep exercising as long as the baby was healthy. I didn’t push myself too hard and I knew some fitness activities would become more challenging as the pregnancy progressed. I participated in a few 5K races and even a 4 mile leg of a half marathon with two other prego friends. By month 6 I had stopped really running (who knew you would lose bladder control at that stage???). I switched up to walking and lifting weights as best as I could. I wanted to remain active my entire pregnancy because honestly, I didn’t want to gain weight. I was always watching what I ate and making sure I didn’t over indulge. I had worked so hard at losing 25 lbs and maintaining that new weight, that I did not want to see it all creep back up on the scale.
By the end of month 6, my loving husband removed the scale from our bathroom. He was tired of seeing me check my weight in the morning and sometimes at night too. I struggled with this for the first couple of weeks. When I went to the doctor for my check ups and saw the number, I tried not to panick. The only thing that really kept me in check was the kicks and hiccups that I was getting from the tiny human I was carrying.
Now, most people would probably think I was insane for worrying about weight gain, but I had always struggled with accepting my body. I workout so that I don’t become despressed and pregnancy didn’t allow for the intense workouts my body craved. At week 34 of my pregnancy I had gained around 20 lbs. and my offspring was right on track. At week 36 my little bundle remained at the 34 week growth mark. During week 37 we did a second ultrasound and determined that everything looks to be functioning properly. We also did a NST and baby passed that as well. However, at week 38, baby was still only measuring 34 weeks. I had stopped worrying so much about what I was eating around week 35. It was at this point that the doc suggested we do an induction to get the baby out before a problem presented itself. When we did the second ultrasound, the baby was measuring around 5lbs.
On July 30th we went into the hospital to be induced. At 2:30pm we started Pitocin and I was able to walk around. I was apologizing to my husband and mom at this point because it was quiet and kind of boring. At 5:30pm the doctor came back to check on me and I allowed him to break my water (I refused earlier because I had never been in labor before and I wanted to see what the contractions were like). At 7ish most of the family was at the hospital just hanging out in our room. However, by 8 Jake asked them all to leave because the contractions were getting more intense and harder to breath through. Just a few hours later at 11:23pm our little Hailey came into this world! She was 4lbs 15oz and only 17in. long. She had stopped growing and getting nutrients from me and needed to be out in this world.
I feel bad that she was so small and I often wonder if I stopped obsessing about my weight and what I ate if she would have been bigger. But, I can’t play the what if game. I need to just live in the moment and savor absolutely every moment I get with my tiny little bug. (Sorry, I won’t be posting pictures of the little one. We decided early on in our pregnancy that we were going to keep our children off the internet as much as we can.)
If you need a buddy during pregnancy, or just someone that can listen. Please contact me. I understand struggling to accept weight gain and how the body changes. I also know that it is not a perminent thing and I will be remembering that with future pregnancies. Stay confident! Be fit! Be you!